Fairytales
by pamy
Summary: Susan Pevensie used to believe in fairytales. In magic. But magic is only real for as long as you believe. When you stops it becomes unreal. Pre-last battle. Oneshot. Susan's POV.


**Based on the movie. Never read the books (ok that's a lie I read the first book). A little of Susan/Caspian. But not much. **

**Don't own. **

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_Once upon a time in a faraway kingdom…_

_*****_

Susan Pevensie used to love fairytales.

Stories of magic kingdoms and fairy godmothers. Stories of good triumphing over evil. Of wicked stepmothers and innocent princesses. Stories of handsome prince's coming to the rescue. She used to love hearing stories of magic. She used to believe in them.

Her father used to read them to her.

Perhaps that's what she had loved the most about it. The time her father spend with her. Once ; when she was a child and still believed; she had asked him if he believed in fairytales. She had asked him if those stories were true. He had lied. When she thinks about this later, she knows every parent lies when presented with this question. He had told her that magic existed. And that one day her prince would come along and save her. He had told her it would all happen to her if she would just believe.

And she believed in him. In him and in the fairytales.

******

…_.there lived a beautiful little girl…_

_*****_

The war destroyed her believe.

Sure she had seized to believe in fairytales. She was growing up after all. All those fairytales lost their shine. But still she believed that good triumphed. And that somewhere her prince was waiting for her. She believed in magic and happy endings. She believed in the essence of the story; even if she didn't believe in the story anymore.

The bombs fell from the sky. And shattered her life.

Her father left them. He left to save the country. She knew he had to leave. She did. But she didn't want him to leave. She wanted him to stay. She wanted him to stay and read her those fairytales again. She wanted to be the small child that he loved the most. She wanted to be his little princess. She and Lucy both of course. But war came over their country. And her father was called away. He held Lucy tight and turned her around in the air. Then he held you tight to him.

He promised he would return. Good triumphs over evil after all.

****

…_.she waited for her prince to come and save her…_

_****_

Time made her forget.

Slowly very slowly all those fairytales faded away. She had to grow up. The war made them all grow up. She had to be the grown up and think. Peter would protect them all. But she needed to shield Lucy from the truth as much as possible. She needed to be rational. She needed to see the facts.

Magic isn't rational. It isn't real.

She couldn't believe in fairytales and be rational at the same time. She would be rational. The grown up. She would be that trough the war. She would let Lucy be the child. She would let her believe in the magic. And the fairytales. And the good. And the prince. Her fairytales had faded. Her believe was gone. Her dream shattered. Like the houses shattered by the bombs.

She forgot what she had once believed.

******

…_from the evil that was trying to destroy her…  
*****_

Narnia makes her believe.

It's beautiful. And full of magic. And when she falls trough the wardrobe she feels the magic all around her. The believe in magic and fairytales; long since buried deep within her; slowly resurfaced. And as she looked around she saw what she had stopped to believe. Magic. Believe. Pure. And good. The beavers almost shatter the image. It's not them really.

It's the prophecy. It's the war. It's a reminder of the live she left behind.

She is ready to go back home. She doesn't want to lose what she has found again. She doesn't want Lucy to see more war than she already has. But when Edmund disappears she never has a choice. None of them do. Aslan makes her believe that somehow things will turn out alright. That good and evil will fight. And good will triumph. Just like in a real fairytale.

And they did. And they were crowned kings and queens. And that should have been the ending.

The happy ending.

******

…_.the prince battled dragons, ogres and evil witches…._

_*****_

She falls out of the wardrobe and the magic shatters.

That should have been their happy ending. That should have been their –_her and her siblings –_ happily ever after. But Narnia wasn't a normal story. It wasn't a fairytale. It was a world. A different world filled with magic, but a world just like yours. And they were more like visitors, not permanent residents. They were just passing trough. Eventually they would have to go home.

If she thinks about it rationally she knows this is logical.

But rational thinking and magic don't mix. They don't go together. She can't think about Narnia rationally. Because there is nothing rational about it. But she believes. She finally believes again. And she believes in Aslan. And she knows that he does everything for a reason. So if he send them back home, it means that that is where they belong. That that is where they should be.

She has to keep believing. Or she'll lose.

*****

…_.to save the little girl locked up in a high tower…._

_****_

She adjust to England the easiest.

Perhaps it's because she found it easy. Easy to separate the two worlds. Easy to separate the beauty of magic to the rationality of England. And the war. The war that had once upon a time shattered her dreams. Her believes. Maybe it was because she wasn't going to let it happen again. She held on tightly to the believe of magic. Lucy never had any problems with that.

The boys did. They couldn't separate the worlds.

They couldn't live in England having known Narnia. But for Susan it made it easier. The knowledge of magic and beauty made it easier for her to live in the harsh world she had to call home. It made it easier. She had the knowledge of truth. She could compare the two worlds. And never forget. Never forget because Narnia was beautiful and pure. And without pain.

She needed to believe in Narnia to live in England.

*****

…_by her wicked stepmother, jealous of her beauty…._

_*****_

It's the best day of her live.

The day they return to Narnia. She is the happiest person on earth. She has the magic back. The good and the pure. This time it's Edmund that breaks the magic. The harsh reality hits her. Cair paravel is destroyed. Her friends are all dead. Narnia is at war again. But this time there is not much magic. This time there is no evil witch. This time it are evil people.

The magic starts to fade.

And Narnia slowly begins to resemble England. At first she doesn't want to see it. She doesn't want to believe it. But it's truth. They begin to resemble each other. And Susan doesn't know what to believe. Aslan is gone. Her friends are gone. There is no snow. No magic. No father Christmas. There is just darkness. And hiding. And war.

The fear reminds you of your own. You wonder what happened to the magic.

*****

…._the little girl was helped by the talking mouse and the little beaver…._

_******_

Caspian makes her believe again.

Their eyes meet and she feels her heart speed up. And she swears she's never felt this before. She doesn't know if it's love. Of course it's not love. It's not logical. It could be love. If they have time. But it isn't love when they first meet. It's just a mutual liking. –_And she ignores the fact that there is nothing logical about Narnia.-_ But he does bring back the believe.

The handsome prince. And the beautiful queen.

They meet. And they fall in love. And the prince fight the evil to protect the queen. He saves her from the battle that almost kills her. He proves he is worthy and good to become the next king of Narnia; when he spares his uncles live. The prince drives the queen to his castle. And they lived happily ever after. That's what should have happened. What would have happened if this was a fairytale. But it isn't.

This is Narnia. And she has long ago discovered Narnia is not an ordinary tale.

Happy endings won't come.

*****

…_the prince travelled long, until he reached the tower…_

_*****_

The magic shatters.

She has to leave. She is being send home and there is no turning back. She is never coming home. She has to leave the magic behind. She has to leave it behind and never see it again. She has found the prince. The handsome prince from her fairytale and she must tell him goodbye. She must walk away from what should be hers and leave.

She is to leave behind the story building in her heart.

She is to shatter her heart. And she is not even told why. Aslan has his reasons. He does not have to tell you why he does things. He is the ruler. The true king of Narnia. And though you are the queen he does not have to tell you. And she does not dare to ask. She is leaving Narnia behind. She kisses him. For the first and the last time. Never would she be able to remember her first kiss as the most beautiful experience ever. For it would also be the last. The last kiss. The worst kiss. She hugs him tightly.

Then she walks away. She never turns around.

_****_

…_.there high above him he saw the beautiful girl, and he loved her at once…_

_****_

She's in pain.

It has shattered. The beautiful image. The magic of Narnia. It has shattered. Suddenly it doesn't help. The believing in Narnia. In the magic. It doesn't help her anymore. It doesn't make it better. It makes it worse. All she sees is the Narnia she left this time. The magic that slowly slipped away. The prince that was never meant to be. The love she would have to let go. Forever. Shattered beyond repair.

Perhaps it would be better if she didn't believe.

If she didn't believe it wouldn't hurt. If it was a game. If it was never there she could never have felt anything. If it had never existed it couldn't possibly hurt to lose it. You can't miss what isn't there. You can't lose what doesn't exist. You can't believe in magic. Because magic isn't real.

Rationally Narnia shouldn't, couldn't possibly exist.

*****

…_the prince climbed up the tower until he reached her door…_

_****_

She tells them Narnia never existed.

She tells them it was just a game. She tells them she doesn't believe. She hardens her heart. And ceases to believe. She stops believing in the truth. And believes in the lie she started telling herself when the truth of the fairytales faded. The lie she will tell herself the rest of her live. The truth hurts. The lie doesn't. And when you think about it logically magic and Narnia can't exist.

You can't believe in what isn't there.

Peter thinks you have gone crazy. He gets angry and he screams. He doesn't realize that that only makes you see the differences more. That it only pushes you further away. She doesn't look Lucy in the eyes. Lucy cries and begs and she can't look her in the eyes. Lucy will never understand what it feels like to lose the magic. She found out the magic was real before she began to lose it. Lucy and Peter always believed the most. They always saw the most.

They never lost what she lost. They never thought like she though.

****

…_.she was the most beautiful person he had ever seen, but evil finds it's way between them…_

_****_

Edmund understands her.

She and Edmund had always been so alike. So good. So perfect. They had always been one and the same. She and Edmund were the least likely to believe in Narnia. And they were the most likely to forget Narnia. To stop believing. Edmund thinks; no Edmund knows; that he would have gone the same way she did. He would have forgotten what she did, if he hadn't been forgiven. He needed that forgiveness to go on. He couldn't forget Narnia without forgetting that.

So he held on. But Susan didn't have that.

She only had pain. She saw understanding and acceptance in his eyes. He never cried. He never begged. He never gave up. He always loved her. He always talked to her. He never spoke of Narnia. Because he understood. Lucy and Peter had always been the light. The day. The magic. Susan and Edmund had always been the darkness. The night. The logical believe in reality.

They were the most likely to forget. And she did.

****

…_but like in every fairytale, good triumphed. The prince won and kissed the princess. He swept her of her feet and brought her to his white horse. Together they drove off into the sunset…_

_****_

Susan remembers her father's words.

When she was younger. And once asked him if he believed in magic. If magic was real. If it was there. He had once looked her in the eye and told her to believe. He said '_Magic has to be believed. It's the only way it's real.' _As long as she believed it would be there. It would be real. Just like with Narnia. Narnia was real as long as you believed.

She stopped believing.

So if she truly believed in her father's words Narnia didn't exist. Magic wasn't real. It was only there while she believed. When she stopped it disappeared. Just like the fairytales. Like a distant story. A long forgotten memory. A once upon a time. Without a happy ending. She stopped believing. And Narnia disappeared.

It was never there. She did not believe in it. And so it was not real.

It was logical.

****

_And they lived happily ever after. _

_****_

Susan had long since stopped believing in Fairytales.

Live is not a story. There is no magic to believe in. Live is harsh. Difficult. Unforgiving. War is real. It destroys and it kills. War had torn them apart before. And it would do it again. Life is not a fairytale. Every story starts once upon a time. But there is never a happily ever after.

Happy endings don't exist. There are only endings.


End file.
